Bullshit #2: "I just don't really have the time..."

There are two particular contexts in which this line tends to occur that I’m going to rant about. Firstly, I find that this utterance is often said quite defensively, in response to some implicit recommendation, e.g. “You should try this game, it’s ace.” Alternatively, it might be stated in response to the conversation partner’s describing recent events in their life (so, would presumably be followed by “... to do that sort of thing.”).

The Verdict (in both cases): BULLSHIT.

Let’s start with Number One. People always seem to respond with such offense following some recommendation or other. I’m taking a stab in the dark here, but presumably individuals seeking out joyous past times for themselves is often seen as some sort of achievement – if they take up said past time from somebody else’s recommendation, this achievement is lost. I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you how ludicrous this assumption is, but I cannot help but think that it’s true. Obviously, recommendations must be taken up from time-to-time, or the term “word of mouth” would not exist. All the same, the immediate response is to spout complete and utter cow dung; namely, “I don’t really have the time.” Now let’s stop and examine this one for a second. Yes, we all lead very busy lives, I’m sure. But say I were to recommend a book, or a game, or a certain film currently being aired at the cinema, in receiving said response one is implying that whatever I’ve suggested requires some long-term commitment whereby they would have to make time in their “busy” schedule. What’s more likely? They genuinely have no time at all throughout the rest of their lives to read a book, they can’t be bothered, or Johnny Recommendation is damaging their ego? Probably the latter, or in some cases, the second option.

Number Two occurs under different circumstances, but the underlying mechanism, I feel, is the same. Let’s look at an example:

A: “Yeah, it was a right laugh. Everyone was so drunk, and we stayed in the club till 4 am. I ended up pulling Jim, and everyone thought it was so funny. And yeah, on the way back we stopped at the chippy... there were so many of us that it took an hour for them to serve our food, so we had a massive food fight while we were waiting. Then eventually at 7 am... it took a while to walk back as Sarah kept sitting on the floor and refusing to walk 'cos her feet hurt, and I was still pulling Jim... We all finally got back to Jane’s house, and Spuggy put on Top Gun while we all got stoned!”
B: “Cool. Did you have a hangover?”
A: “Thing is, I was still drunk when we got in, and most of us were still awake until about 3 pm, so it sort of wore off after a few cups of coffee. Harriett was really ill though, she was throwing up for like an hour straight!”
B: “Yeah. I just don’t have the time to get drunk anymore.”

Much as A’s boastful antics clearly deserve a punch in the face here, nevertheless it sounded like a most joyous occasion. Presumably because A is boasting so much, B gets ever less impressed and ever more defensive – B hasn’t had a good night out for a while, so decides to turn to the bullshit instead.

It’s this overly competitive nature in human conversation that I cannot physically stand. It’s never enough to accept that someone else had fun where you didn’t, and the favourite weapon of choice is a big dollop of BS.

Bullshit #1: "They don't make them like this anymore..."

Taken literally, this statement isn’t particularly bullshit – it merely states the obvious. Of course “they” don’t make them like this anymore; “they” are completely different individuals setting out to correspond to a new generation of audiences, incorporating new trends and keeping up to new standards. However, it doesn’t take much analysis to come to the conclusion that the actual intention behind this remark refers to observation that said media, usually a television show targeted for children, was a true masterpiece of its day and that modern viewing quite simply does not keep up to this standard.

The Verdict: BULLSHIT.

I believe that people often utter this statement in order to exert authority over younger generations, thinking that in doing so they sound wise beyond their years. But the truth is, as I’ve already briefly explained, that children’s television shows are bound to change with the times. I’m going to take a popular example from today: “LazyTown.” For those of you that don’t know, this is an Icelandic programme that debuted in 2006, featuring a young female central character urging others to be active in their daily lives. Naturally, there was, and always will be, a place for health promotion in the media; however, obesity levels being what they are in Western culture, needless to say there has never been a more crucial time to encourage young people to exercise.

Don’t like LazyTown? Too loud, too simple, too annoying? Well, assuming that you’re an adult, you’re not the show’s target audience; i.e. you’re not supposed to like it. Now, I’ve had idiots respond to this point by stating something along the lines of “Oh, but I still love watching (insert popular cartoon from 20 years ago here).” That’s nostalgia, you morons. For those of us lucky enough to have enjoyed our childhoods, everyone enjoys placing themselves as much as possible into the shoes of our former selves as we run into the living room after school, clutching a Wispa bar or something, switching on the 14 inch screen telly and sitting on that old green sofa, blissfully ignorant that anything bad ever happened in the world. Re-watching particular TV shows on YouTube and bantering with your friends of a similar age regarding such programmes can take you several steps closer to that past time.

To verify my point further, it’s unlikely that you saw every single children’s programme in history. I’m not sure if you would uphold a great deal of regard for some of those shows if you saw them now, whereas you might have done once upon a time. I for one missed out on a few of the cult favourites; “Thundercats” and “He-Man” to name a couple. I have since watched said cartoons and... Well, they were pretty shit really, weren’t they?

Perhaps I’m generalising a bit here. Maybe one is referring to the timeless appeal of such programmes, or their being loved by children and adults alike, or the fact that the animation of today’s cartoons (Pokémon) is of much lower quality (as measured by, for example, the number of frames used per second) than that of earlier cartoons (Merry Melodies, Happy Harmonies, Silly Symphonies). However, if they ran a new, five-minute cartoon that matched the humour and animation style of Tom and Jerry, would you still watch it? Or would the lack of that nostalgic, crackly soundtrack put you off?